I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
