Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
