you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
