I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
