brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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