someone get that fucking seahorse.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
