Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I am naked and annoyed.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize
