I want to make a zoo with you.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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