I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
sick fucks of a feather flock together
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
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