My brain says no but my pants say off.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
We have started to decorate penises.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
