In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
