i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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