Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Cover your peen. We're going out.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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