I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
