The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
