dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
