I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
