i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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