I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
