Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
