My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
That accounts for only three of the penises
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
