My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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