I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
