When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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