she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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