Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
