Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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