what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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