Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
