I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
