Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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