i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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