I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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