i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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