the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
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