I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
