Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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