You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
