No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
