I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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