we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
