he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Randomize
