How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
