I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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