I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
