k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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