I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
