As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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