your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
