im about as happy as oj after his trial
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
