Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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