you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
