my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
