Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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